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  Cursed or Blessed

  Cursed or Blessed

  A novel by

  A.L. Martin

  Copyright

  Copyright © 2019 by A.L. Martin

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination or used for fiction purposes.

  ISBN 978-0-359-68865-4

  Evansville, IN 47710

  Cover design and art: by Ebook Launch

  Acknowledgments

  I have great respect and appreciation for my editor Ashley for the endless hours she has put into editing my book. She not only edited my book but was a constant shoulder for my never ending worrying. Thank you, Ashley!

  I wouldn’t have been able to write this book without the love and support of my husband and our three kids. They kept pushing me when I wanted to give up. They believed in me more than I believed in myself most times. Thank You!

  To all my friends that have been with me on this wild ride, I appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you!

  Chapter 1

  Alexina and I could see Sophie waiting for us outside the cafeteria as we made our way down the hall. She greeted us with hugs, then wrapped her arms in between ours, leading us into the cafeteria while she talked about tomorrow after school. Alexina and Sophie made their way over to the table, and I went to see if there were any sandwiches worth eating. I stood there, glancing over what seemed to be ham & cheese and something that resembled roast beef. I wasn’t quite sure, and the mystery of it could remain that way.

  I was starving because I didn’t have time to grab something on my way out of the house. The salad wasn’t sounding good either, but it was better than the mystery meat that was lurking next to the ham & cheese. I grabbed a bowl for my salad, turned around, and bumped into Braedon.

  “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

  “It’s okay. Glad it was you that bumped into me, Karsyn. Are you coming to Tyler’s party tomorrow night after the game?” Braedon half smiled. “You look good today.”

  Good? I am dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans. Where were you yesterday, when I did, in fact, look good? “Thanks.” I took a couple of steps back. Being that close to Braedon was making it hard to concentrate. “Yes, I will be at the party after the game with my friends.” I brushed his shoulder with mine, smiling. Everything was happening so fast, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I looked around the cafeteria at all the girls, talking, laughing, and having fun with their friends/boyfriends. All I wanted was to be able to not worry about what would happen if I got too close to people. No matter how hard I tried to ignore my visions, they were always in the shadows lurking, waiting to make their move without any warning at all. I went back to fixing a small salad, so I could go back to sit with Alexina and Sophie.

  They were making things a little easier, but I still had to keep my guard up. It was only a matter of time before someone would see something about me.

  “What did he say?” Sophie sprung out of her seat when I walked up to the table.

  “I don’t know if Tyler will be able to handle you.” I laughed.

  “I know, right? I can see her practically screaming in his poor face, scaring the shit out of him when she does talk to him,” Alexina patted Sophie on the back.

  “You guys are just so funny. You both can kiss my ass.”

  Alexina hugged Sophie and told her we were joking. Sophie wrapped her right arm around my neck and pulled me over to them. “We know we haven’t known you long, but you are stuck with us.” Sophie let go of us to check her phone. “I almost forgot. What did you and Braedon talk about over there at the salad bar? This is becoming your “special place.” Sophie peeked up from her phone laughing.

  “After I bumped into him, he asked if we were going to Tyler’s party tomorrow. I told him we were all going.”

  “That’s it? That’s all he said to you. Wow, what a conversationalist.” Sophie rolled her eyes. I didn’t want to tell them he made the comment about me bumping into him. I wanted to keep that for myself for as long as possible. The minute the truth is revealed about me, nothing about my life will be private. I went against my promise of staying away from kids when we moved here a few weeks ago, and now it was just a matter of time before one of my visions decided it was time to show up.

  The rest of the day went by faster than I hoped. Emerson asked if I could drop her off at a friend’s house on the way home, and I made her promise she would be home before our parents got there.

  She knew I would be blamed for anything she did, whether I was involved or not. She had an incredible talent for getting me in trouble for anything her little 14-year-old mind could come up with. Deep down I knew she blamed me for mom and dad moving us to Charlottesville, Virginia, a few weeks ago, away from her friends and so-called “boyfriend back in Evansville, In.”

  I went straight to the kitchen before I did anything else. I made myself a quick sandwich with turkey, provolone cheese, tomato, and lettuce. I went upstairs for the impossible task of trying to find something to wear tomorrow night. I sat there staring at the clothes in my closet as I devoured my sandwich. I decided on a mint green sweatshirt from Pink, skinny jeans, and white Converse to wear to the game. Now, I just had to pick out an outfit to wear to the party. I flopped down on my bed, staring at my closet again, wondering what the hell I was doing. I was about to give up on finding the right outfit when I heard Emerson yell that she was home.

  ****

  After school the next day, I took Emerson home and grabbed everything that I had gotten ready the night before. I looked around my room to make sure I had everything that I wanted to take to Sophie’s. I glanced down at the picture of Rylee, wishing she was here to help me through this. I was scared of what could happen at the party if I were to have a beer or something. I didn’t know if I would be able to control it. “Wish me luck, Rylee.” My finger lightly traced along her dark red hair in the picture. Rylee had been gone almost two years, and I missed her every day. I knew she would be so mad at me for blaming myself for her death, but I couldn’t help it.

  “Hey, Karsyn!” Emerson yelled from the kitchen. “Don’t leave yet.”

  “Emerson, I have to get to Sophie’s house so we can start getting ready for the game.”

  “Karsyn, I just wanted to let you know that I’m glad you are getting out of the house and having fun.”

  “Thanks, Emerson.” I smiled. “Tell Mom and Dad if they need me to text me, and that I will be home tomorrow afternoon. Bye.”

  I arrived at Sophie’s twenty minutes later to find her outside, leaning against the right huge white column. Her house was a dark brick home with windows tall as the front door. I no more reached the top step when she grabbed my hand and led me to her room upstairs.

  “Karsyn, change your clothes real quick before Sophie and I get you ready for tonight.”

  Alexina smiled as she wrapped a piece of her dark cherry hair around the curling wand. “We will touch up your makeup after the game before we head to Tyler’s. Tonight is going to be amazing!”

  We arrived thirty minutes before the game was to start, so we could see who all was going to be in the student section and if we needed to sit away from anyone. I kept looking around for Braedon when Alexina and Sophie got side-tracked talking to people. The closer it got to the start of the game, it got impossible to find anyone in the crowd. I would have to wait until the party to see if Braedon would be there alone.

  ****

  We hurried up and went b
ack to Sophie’s house to change our clothes for the party and to check our makeup. Sophie took her dark, curly hair down, and put on dark lipstick. Then, they both sat me down in Sophie’s vanity chair with my back to the mirror. Alexina started curling strands of my dark chestnut hair that had fallen from being outside. Sophie began touching up my makeup before they let me up to look in her full-length floor mirror. For a brief moment, I almost didn’t recognize myself with how Sophie did my eye makeup, making my brown eyes seem darker than normal. I turned around and stood there for a few seconds, watching them get ready and it felt great being able to be normal even if I didn’t know how long it would last. It had been a long time since I was with friends like this getting ready to go out. Some would think we had been friends for years, but we have only been friends for a few weeks. I was trying my hardest to keep to myself and not talk to anyone at school, but that all changed when the teacher moved students around in English class. The teacher had moved me right next to Alexina, and Sophie was on the other side of her. They instantly took me in as a friend, not asking me a lot of questions about my past.

  Even though Tyler lived a few miles away from Sophie, it seemed like it took forever to get to his house. The long driveway was already crowded with vehicles, and kids were parking in the yard on both sides of the drive.

  “Do you think Braedon will be here already?” I asked, walking beside Alexina. “I don’t know why I am worried about if he’s here or not.”

  “Karsyn, you look great tonight. Your long hair is still curly, and your makeup definitely compliments your dark brown eyes. He would be a fool if he didn’t notice you. Hopefully, this is going to be a great night for all of us.” She smiled.

  The driveway seemed to go on forever as we made our way in between the vehicles. Tyler’s house was a two-story, brick house with six white columns holding up the balcony. In the distance, I could see a white gazebo with white lights dangling down around it. There were several people outside in front of the house, drinking and chasing each other.

  Alexina and Sophie rolled their eyes at them as we passed by on our way into the house. I tried glancing around to see if I could spot Braedon, and again he was nowhere in sight. We managed to make our way from the door to a less crowded place in what I assumed was the family room or living room. Within a few seconds, it was crowded with juniors and a few sophomores.

  “Hey, ladies! Glad you could make it!” Tyler yelled over the music as we walked through the crowd. I couldn’t help but notice Sophie staring at him as we moved through everyone. I had to admit he did look good in his jeans and dark blue shirt with rolled-up red plaid cuffs. His dark hair looked almost black in the dim light. “Can I get you three something to drink? There is a couple of kegs in the kitchen, or if you don’t want beer, I can get you something else. Sophie, you look great. Come with me while I get you all a drink,” he smiled, taking Sophie’s hand.

  I stood there looking around, hoping I would be able to spot Braedon and not have to resort to asking Tyler if he was here at the party. I watched everyone having a great time dancing, drinking, and even making out toward the back of the room. I didn’t want anything to happen tonight, so I had to keep myself from drinking too much.

  “Karsyn, Tyler told me you were here. Sorry I didn’t see you come in a few minutes ago. Do you need something to drink?” Braedon asked, stepping closer to me. He looked so hot in his khakis and tight coral polo that was being stretched to its limits from his biceps. Would he still feel the same way when everyone finds out about me, or will he be scared like most people when they find out the truth? People don’t see me as the person they have grown to like, but someone to be feared for being different. Tyler was back with Sophie and our drinks right as Braedon was about to go get me one.

  We tried talking to one another but ended up yelling back and forth over the music. After about fifteen minutes of that, Tyler took Sophie’s hand and told us to follow him. He led us outside and down the little hill to the white gazebo, which was surprisingly unoccupied at the moment. We could still hear the music, but we didn’t have to scream at one another over it. I was trying hard to enjoy myself, but I knew I was playing with fire by getting close to them. While I was standing there watching everyone, I found myself jealous of their normal lives. Oh, they had their typical “high school pressures”, but they didn’t know the meaning of true pressure. I lived with guilt every day of my life, and there was nothing or no-one that could ever make it go away.

  “I didn’t see you at the game, Braedon. Were you there?” I asked.

  He raised his eyebrow. “Karsyn, I am on the team. You didn’t know that?”

  “I guess I didn’t. You never told me, so how would I know that you were on the team.” I snapped, grabbing my cup sitting on the ledge.

  “Karsyn, I’m sorry. I just assumed you knew I was on the team too.”

  “Didn’t you start school a few weeks before me?”

  “Yes. I talked to the coach, and he let me practice with the team a few times. He liked what he saw and told me I could be on the team,” he said, then started to talk to Tyler about the game. They continued to talk while Alexina, Sophie, and I decided to head back to the house. I was rather surprised that Tyler didn’t want to go back to the house and make sure no one was destroying it. The closer I got, the more my head started pounding. It felt like everything was happening in slow motion.

  I could see Alexina and Sophie walking in front of me, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t catch up to them. My body was going limp, and I could hear in the faint distance Alexina yelling for help. A few moments later, I opened my eyes to find it was light out, but the sun wasn’t shining. It was dreary outside as if it could start raining at any minute. Then, I noticed I wasn’t in Tyler’s yard anymore. I got up and looked around, trying to figure out what happened and where I was exactly. I slowly turned to my left, and then it hit me. I knew what was going on. I wouldn’t be able to find anyone because I was about to stumble across someone I knew dead.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” I screamed to the point my throat hurt. I didn’t want to walk far from where I was, even though I knew in a few minutes, I would wake up sprawled out in Tyler’s yard. I wasn’t seeing anything around me that looked familiar, so I tried to convince myself that maybe I wouldn’t see anything disturbing. I only had a matter of minutes; I had to force myself to concentrate on the things around me. I closed my eyes and balled up my fists before opening my eyes slowly. My surroundings became clearer, and I struggled to find something that stood out, that I would remember later. I was standing in the middle of what appeared to be a meadow of white flowers in the woods. The grass was tall, brown at the bottom with green on the tips, swaying in the wind. Someplace I had never been before. I should have felt scared, but instead, I felt peaceful. Off in the distance, I could see a contorted tree with knot holes all over it. I stared at the tree, trying to make sure I would remember that one in particular. I could hear Alexina talking, which let me know I was about to wake up.

  “Karsyn, are you okay?” Sophie asked, kneeling next to me. Her caramel skin looked paler than normal, and her eyes were watery.

  “Yeah, I am okay. Didn’t realize it had been so long since I had a drink at a party. Sorry to cause everyone to worry.” I sat up. I knew it wasn’t from the drink, but I didn’t want to tell them I was about to see someone’s death before it happened. First, they would be curious about what I see, and then the more questions they asked the fear would set in. Braedon helped me up, taking my hand as we walked back inside Tyler’s house.

  “You sure you don’t want to go home? I can take you myself,” Braedon asked.

  “No, I’m fine. Besides I am staying with Alexina and Sophie tonight at Sophie’s. I just need to sit down for a few minutes.

  Braedon let me through the scattered crowds of seniors and juniors throughout the house. I couldn’t help by notice the long line for the bathroom. At the start of the line were a couple of drunk
en girls with their legs crossed, beating on the door, yelling for the person to get out. They each took a turn beating and yelling through the door as if that was going to make the person behind the door come out any faster. If it had been me, I would have taken longer in there just to be a bitch. I couldn’t help but laugh at them, because each time they beat on the door, they would stumble into the kids behind them. I knew it was just a matter of seconds before someone would start yelling at them. I wanted to stay and watch them keep, making fools of themselves, but Braedon was pulling me away from the entertainment. I kept giggling long after we had passed them.

  Braedon explained to me that Tyler was letting us use the back room so I could sit in quiet without having to deal with the party. He unlocked the door to a room full of paintings hanging on the white walls, and a piano in the back left corner of the room. A black couch was facing a fireplace with matching chairs on the sides. Above the fireplace was the biggest TV I had ever seen in my life.

  I could see why Tyler’s parents didn’t want anyone back here. Braedon helped me sit on the couch, then went to get me a bottle of water. I had to come up with a convincing lie before he returned with my drink. It was way too soon to explain that I can see people’s deaths before they happen. I could stick with the ever faithful lie that I wasn’t feeling well earlier, or that I hadn’t eaten much today. Either one of those lies would work well enough for the moment. I had to figure out where I was in my vision, and who was going to end up in that meadow. What if I couldn’t stop it and get blamed again like I did with Rylee. I tried to stop Rylee’s death, but instead, I got accused of killing her. I would never hurt my best friend. She accepted me for who I was, and still loved me when other kids were scared of me. I was so shocked when they tried to say I killed her and left her body out behind the old abandoned gas station. No one would listen when I told them I tried to stop her death. And now here, I was about to make the same mistake all over again. Was I just supposed to let things happen, or was I to try and stop it from happening? I don’t understand why I have this whatever you want to call it, a blessing or curse. I definitely don’t feel it is a blessing. Seeing people’s deaths before they happen is not my idea of a blessing at all.